Its been a while, but so much to say

Well, its my fourth year now, and I have gotten a pink slip, known as "RIFfed" around here, for the third year in a row. But I have learned. This year, I didn't even skip a beat. I didn't stop smiling or crying or anything different. I have learned that it is a waste of time or energy because nothing I do affects the outcome. It is completely out of my control. I feel very zen as I let it go and drive each day to work. The good thing about the RIF is it puts everything into focus: is this really what I want to be doing? should I look for another job outside the district (which I do anyway all the time) should I even be a teacher? The RIF follows me from class to class as the questions swirl around each interaction with each student. When Melissa opens a bag of chips and starts eating them right under the sign on the board that says NO FOOD OR DRINK IN THIS ROOM, the RIF becomes an escape hatch, a relief. But when Aaron says, "Miss, you ATTACK the present to AFFECT the future," the RIF becomes a heavy feeling inside, sadness in the loss of working with students like him, who appreciate what they get at the time they get it.

So my junior high job is safe, as the Reed Decision prevents RIFs at that school. I have been asked to teach there full time. It sounds nice now. Especially when Jocelyn brought me a list of songs handwritten on four small sheets of paper and said, "Miss, is it okay to give you homework over the break?" I asked what she meant, that it looked as though she had put a great deal of time and effort into this list (although I didn't recognize any of the songs). She said, "Well, you taught me to like Classical Music, so I wanted to give you some songs in return. Will you listen to them?" She wouldn't look right at me as I thanked her sincerely and said that I certainly would listen and let her know what I thought. She is in seventh grade and plays the double bass. Turns out the songs are mostly metal. Who knew? I felt so honored. Teaching children really brings reality into a crucible of what is important and what is not.

Thank you, Jocelyn. I plan on teaching at the junior high next year and creating an advanced ensemble just for you. You deserve it.